My Day of Solitude (Part 2)

I came into my day of solitude after what I felt was a significant revelation about my relationship with God. The simple version is this…I realized that I am tired of pursuing God (and performing for Him), and that it was OK.

When I got to the retreat center, I showed up early enough that nobody was there. I followed a path to a little chapel in the woods. The door was open and I walked in and sat down. I looked at the stations of the cross and realized that in Jesus, and the crucifixion and resurrection, God came after me and was still pursuing me. That’s why it was OK for me to be tired and stop.

That’s all set up for the labyrinth.

After the chapel, I wandered around in the woods and made my way back to the office to see if there was anyone there to let me into my room for the day. Still nobody, so I looked around and found a bunch of stuff on prayer labyrinths…books, miniature labyrinths made out of metal and stone, that kind of stuff.

So I grabbed a book, found a comfy chair and started reading. The book encouraged you to think of the labyrinth as symbolic of anything you wanted…no restrictions. I figured it represented my life.

Then, I read that the difference between a labyrinth and a maze is that a maze is designed to confuse and frustrate you on your way to the center or goal, while a labyrinth has an unbroken path to the center. That really appealed to me and I took comfort that if I just kept walking, I’d eventually get to God.

I got one of the metal labyrinths and traced it’s course. Upon entering the labyrinth, the way one quickly moves very close to the center mirrored my experience with God – that as I began to walk with Him, I instantly felt very close to Him.

Then, as you keep walking, the path takes you further from the center before moving you back again, all the while looping back on itself while almost imperceptibly taking you closer to the center. I saw this as the dark night of the soul and the way I seem to run over the same old ground over and over, but when I think about it, I do see signs of being closer to my goal (that being God Himself and godliness).

This was all some sweet mental/spiritual masturbation, but then I felt like God impressed upon me the thought that blew me away, “You have our rolls reversed. You are in the center of the labyrinth and I am coming after you.”

Sometimes I hear Him walking closer, sometimes I feel all alone, but either way, He’s coming down that circuitous path that leads to me. He will not stop until He reaches me, and once He does, He’ll free me from the place that I don’t have the strength or will to walk out of myself.