Honest stuff, Zeke.

About 3 weeks ago, I completed a time of fruits/veggies/nuts only. I would eat them cooked or raw, but I stayed away from meats, sweets and breads.

In addition to dropping quite a bit of weight, I agree with these 2 posts that I was more alert and clearer mentally (& spiritually, i think, as well).

Going back to regular food has almost had similar effects as depression — lethargic, tired a lot, not sleeping as well…etc. Also, it made me realize just how much I rely on junk food for comfort. It makes me wonder if I could/should consider an actual vegetarian lifestyle, since I seem to thrive there & have since lost my taste for a lot of meats.

I’m gonna go back on veggies for a month or two and see how it goes. What’s the worst that could happen– I could be thin & happy?? hehe…

Full disclosure: I’m wrong most of the time.

I wasn’t tracking with the labyrinth, simply because of the whole free-will thing. I recognize the choices I must make in life, and my constant need to be tuned-in to God for the purposes of knowing which way to turn (since life can be very confusing).

But I never thought about me being the goal, and God being the one doing all the work…

I guess that’s what it means to wait upon the Lord.

Very cool.

I came into my day of solitude after what I felt was a significant revelation about my relationship with God. The simple version is this…I realized that I am tired of pursuing God (and performing for Him), and that it was OK.

When I got to the retreat center, I showed up early enough that nobody was there. I followed a path to a little chapel in the woods. The door was open and I walked in and sat down. I looked at the stations of the cross and realized that in Jesus, and the crucifixion and resurrection, God came after me and was still pursuing me. That’s why it was OK for me to be tired and stop.

That’s all set up for the labyrinth.

After the chapel, I wandered around in the woods and made my way back to the office to see if there was anyone there to let me into my room for the day. Still nobody, so I looked around and found a bunch of stuff on prayer labyrinths…books, miniature labyrinths made out of metal and stone, that kind of stuff.

So I grabbed a book, found a comfy chair and started reading. The book encouraged you to think of the labyrinth as symbolic of anything you wanted…no restrictions. I figured it represented my life.

Then, I read that the difference between a labyrinth and a maze is that a maze is designed to confuse and frustrate you on your way to the center or goal, while a labyrinth has an unbroken path to the center. That really appealed to me and I took comfort that if I just kept walking, I’d eventually get to God.

I got one of the metal labyrinths and traced it’s course. Upon entering the labyrinth, the way one quickly moves very close to the center mirrored my experience with God – that as I began to walk with Him, I instantly felt very close to Him.

Then, as you keep walking, the path takes you further from the center before moving you back again, all the while looping back on itself while almost imperceptibly taking you closer to the center. I saw this as the dark night of the soul and the way I seem to run over the same old ground over and over, but when I think about it, I do see signs of being closer to my goal (that being God Himself and godliness).

This was all some sweet mental/spiritual masturbation, but then I felt like God impressed upon me the thought that blew me away, “You have our rolls reversed. You are in the center of the labyrinth and I am coming after you.”

Sometimes I hear Him walking closer, sometimes I feel all alone, but either way, He’s coming down that circuitous path that leads to me. He will not stop until He reaches me, and once He does, He’ll free me from the place that I don’t have the strength or will to walk out of myself.

Can you describe your journey with the labyrinth? Depending on the day, I can never seem to decide if I’m in a labyrinth or a maze… you know, those dead-end days where you just KNOW you chose wrong– or does it keep going to another inevitable twist? Am I closer than I think??
Was there even a choice?

I’d love to hear more on this. Maybe you talked about it on the podcast… probably should listen.

Later gator!

My busyness last week got in the way of my one hour of solitude at the chapel. I tried to make up for that with a Monday visit in advance of this weekend’s day of solitude. I could only make time for a half-hour between work and leaving for my first day of classes at Reformed Theological Seminary.

I wish I could have stayed longer, but the time I did have was sweet. I sat with God in silence for a while, imagining that we each simply enjoyed quietly sitting together…like an old married couple. I sang Him a few songs, snapped some pictures of the chapel with my phone, and then got back to less important things.

I meditated with the class at the dojo, but blew off my half-hour when I got home.

I had a busy day yesterday, came home and filled my belly with roast beef. I was so tired, I knew finding the motivation to meditate wasn’t going to be easy. Paise went out with some friends and after the kids went to bed, I threw in the towel and watched Battlestar Galactica for a few hours. I made a lame effort to focus on my breath later that night in bed, but just fell asleep.

My business has also impacted my hour of solitude at the chapel this week. I haven’t had the time so far, and the chapel isn’t open tomorrow when I’m available. If I get my hour, it will have to be someplace else.

Stay tuned.